The Art and Curse of Communication
If there’s one thing I’ve been forced to explore further these last couple of years, it’s communication. In this post, I hope to add some clarity if you’re feeling alone and misunderstood, something many of us are facing in these troubling times – as well as a few possible solutions for you to test out.
Why Problems Arise
We all speak the same language to some degree, but have you ever noticed that some of the things you say just don’t land with the person you’re speaking with?
You try to explain, but in the confusion and tension that follows, you get repeatedly interrupted to the point where you may just give up explaining your point altogether?
This has happened to me more times than I can count, and if you like to educate yourself and read a lot, you’ve probably seen it too; The Curse of Knowledge.
People do not know what they do not know, so sometimes they get offended if they are met with a phrase or a concept they don’t understand. A good example of this is what I do; Online Business.
Trying to teach people how to be free on their own terms is not an easy task if they refuse to understand the concept.
I help people get their shit online and make a living, but there are still hordes of people in the dark regarding what that means. They might not be technically savvy, so if I present an option that is unknown to them, they get unsure and will take a hit to the ego 8/10 times.
In other words, you speak the same language, but both parties haven’t learned all the words of the language, so they try to wrap their heads around something that feels impossible to them.
More often than not, the ensuing feeling of frustration and not understanding leads to them trying to justify why it is as it is, and so the point rarely gets across, which then leads to both parties feeling down, or even worse – an argument is left like a blazing bushfire that will tear on both parties as the days go by.
Bright Light, Bright Light!
Know this, you’re not at fault. If you are lonely, there are usually some pretty logical reasons as to why. You might have been a douchebag, for one. Not intentionally, but because the other party didn’t understand you, you might have come off as such.
You might feel “threatening” to other people because you speak in ways they don’t understand. If a person is used to fill the air with “Well, well… Seems like the weather is turning” for lack of a better sentence, your thoughts like; “Where are your thoughts when you’re not thinking about them” might blind them completely.
If your awareness lets you see reality differently, like the constructs of time, and the consequences of labeling whatever we see into a stereotype, you’re not the one being “weird”. They just haven’t reached that point yet.
This could often result in people falling off your radar because they simply can’t fathom what you’re talking about.
Trump made it to the presidency simply because he was a good marketer, talking to his followers at their level of understanding.
Remember, the majority of people are very simple. Humans tend to go in the direction of least resistance, and after finishing our obligated indoctrination through school, many will have a distaste towards learning. That is a problem, not only for the people who can’t see their invisible prison bars, but also for you who’s trying to talk to them…
How to Stop Feeling Alone and Misunderstood?
If you feel alone because you don’t have anyone to talk to at your level, or you feel alone because you feel like you’re always misunderstood, don’t fret. There are a few things I’ve seen that can help.
- Simplify
Before the conversation, if you write down what you want to say to a person and make sure that it is understandable to a 3-year-old (having one is a huge benefit), you could be pretty certain that anyone can make sense of it.
“If you can’t explain it to an 8-year-old, you don’t really understand it yourself.”
– Einsten
I agree, but Albert didn’t live in a time of Instagram and Tik Tok, which has resulted in attentionspans shorter than that of a Goldfish. - Is it essential?
If you really think about it, is what you want to say really essential to the conversation? If you’re speaking to people who would rather watch TV or scroll on the phone than learn something new, your understanding of concepts will by default be deeper than the average.
This can come off as offensive in our era of information and cat videos, where some people are so against growth that they will feel like you’re pointing out their ignorance. Not a good situation to be in. - State the problem beforehand
“Before we embark on this conversation, I want to tell you that I think not only about what’s being said, but on all surrounding consequences of the topic at hand, so I will at times seem like I’m saying something random, but in reality it’s just the same point 4 levels deeper… Sorry ’bout that….”
As people get offended for nothing these days, and have a tendency of assuming your thoughts or the meaning of whatever words you use instead of asking what you really mean, it’s almost a necessity to have a “disclaimer” before you go into topics that goes beyond the weather. - Expectations
Like the “Disclaimer”, an agreement of what to expect before the conversation will put both parties in a safer environment for healthy discussion.
Example:
“This is what you can expect of me:
a. I don’t get angry easily, but in a discussion, I might get passionate, which some could see as aggressive. This is not the case, so if you feel like I’m being angry, just point it out and I’ll reel it in.
b. I am a brutally honest person, so if I call you out on something, it’s not to attack you, rather it’s simply me making an observation that from my experience would be better said than left untouched.
c. I live from the perspective of a cosmocentric worldview. This means that I will speak and act from a place of love, never judgement or anger. If I say something you don’t understand, call me out, and I’ll clarify… -lovingly.
What I expect of you:
a. I want to make sure that we can have this talk and leave the conversation on the same – or better – ground than what we entered with.
b. If you fundamentally disagree with something I say, and vice-versa, I hope we can agree to disagree, and not try to force eachothers opinions on eachother. We should make valid arguments to clearly communicate our points.
c. I respect you and I would only ask that you return the favor.”
This is, as mentioned above – just an example of what such an agreement could be, but having clear expectations of eachother tends to lead to a more mature conversation. The main point is to be understood after all. - Be Open
We rarely talk about how we feel these days. For some reason, the whole subject has become taboo. Luckily, that is just a limiting belief.
Be open about how you feel in a conversation, state your confusion if it should arise, let people know if they are heading into a topic that truly violates your values.
If you keep all of this to yourself, you’re more or less a fake person, and nobody wants that. What if, instead of sharing your truth, you avoid the person you need to adress until the point where you resent eachother. It could have been avoided if both parties knew what the other person were thinking, which would lead to respect and mutual acceptance, but most people would rather fake a smile or hide until the problem “goes away”.
Fakeness can be intuitively felt. Don’t make any mistake, it will only blow back in our face if we don’t deal with the situation. There’s a reason it feels good to vent your thoughts to a trusted friend.
Short-Term Pain over Long-Term Discomfort
Of course, there will be people that are fundamentally incapable of seeing their part in a destructive conversation, so they might agree to any and all “agreements” and still act from a place of a hurt ego or offensive reaction.
But all of this is still worth a shot if one really wants to clear the air, share ideas, discuss a topic, etc. We live in a world where talking about mental health is frowned upon by the majority of people, so taking matters into our own hands could actually provide something good.
If it doesn’t, I would rather have short-term discomfort/pain over long-term frustration and anger.
Awareness is The Key
I get it, some, if not all of this will seem pretty “out there” for some. This is exactly why we’re having these issues. As some people seek understanding and growth, others simply won’t, which leads to a big difference in understanding during everyday conversations.
When I work with clients, I often find that many could use more self-awareness.
If see what decisions we subconsciously make during our life, we’ll be better equipped to actually see results. If one were to explain this to someone who’s just starting out, it would be as helpful as explaining colors to the blind.
So what is the best way for you to get started?
The Journey of Many “Sorrows”
The best entry to this, as far as what I’ve personally found, is meditation. If the problem is a mental one, then doesn’t it make sense to actually work on the mind?
Here’s the kicker though: You actually have to find the awareness yourself. I’m saying it like that because I’ve actually heard the sentence; “How would it help me if you meditate??”
It wouldn’t, of course. The path to self-awareness and growth lies within each individual person, so it all comes down to how much you really want to achieve something. You actually have to do the work!
In my experience, to find true purpose in what we do during our lives, we need to truly want something that has yet to happen. You’re basically fighting for a future that is still uncertain.
But once you get started and see some positive feedback on your journey, it gets clear that it is actually possible. You need to need it. Crave a future that is better than your present, and you’ll find almost any amount of work to get there easier.
The pleasure of achieving your goals needs to be stronger than the pain to get there, and the only way to get into such a mentality is to have something truly worth fighting for, because again – YOU need to put in the work.
To get started, you could check out the meditations that helped me the most. I found Quantum Meditation after years of trying and “failing” at other practices. I need to specify that I rely my work on measurable science mostly, so that’s the reason it appealed to me so much.
If you enjoyed this article, I would be honored if you shared it with those you think would enjoy it too.
Have a fantastic day, and take care of your freaking family <3
Mush Love,
Tor
I can relate to this!!