how I faced death fml
I Thought I was dying in the car, in front of my son
By: Tor Erik
Categories: Growth

By the end of this article, I hope you’ll have a new perspective on life. I nearly died infront of my son, while driving to the kindergarten.

This is the story about how I faced death and used it to live.

Have you ever had to rush through errands, because you knew that you’d die in the next few minutes?

That’s how February 7th 2020 started.

I was driving my 4 year old son to the kindergarten. Every day, we have to drive to the neighboring municipality to drop him off, before I head back to the office to work.

It’s about an hour round-trip, so it’s inconvenient when you die in front of your son, en-route to the kindergarten, right?

I have an inoperable Deep Vein Trombosis beneath my left clavicle which has impacted a lot of my life. I am where I am today, because it’s turned me into a hard-to-kill fighter.

Sometimes I even feel invincible, because my life has tried and failed to kill me so many times.

It would take a lot to stop me and if I fall, I immediately get back up. The bloodclot gave me a superpower.

But right now, I was dying.

“My breath got shallow”

In the middle of the chorus of a song that me and my son sang together, I felt something cold and unpleasant in the area surrounding the clot. Like being hit by a wet, cold and slimy waterballoon.

Moments later, it turned warm and my breath got shallow.

Short in breath, with a slight stabbing sensation in my chest, I thought; “Fuck, the clot dislodged! I have to stop the car, so that I don’t kill my son too!”

I slowed down, ready to pull over at the next bus stop. My son looked at me. “What’s the matter dad?”

I looked at him while fighting hard to hold back the emerging tears. I didn’t want to worry him, but I was picturing how I was about to miss the future of him and his 2-year old sister.

For the last few years, I’ve been focusing on their future when and if I die. I want to create a legacy for them and document my values and lessons that I should teach them in person, if I should be ripped out of their lives prematurely.

And now, on the brink of completion, just shy of reaching my goal for them, I was about to die?!

Well, ain’t that just typical.

Puzzled, I took a few moments to analyze the sensation in my body. I was still alive, so maybe I had time to drop him off? He’d be traumatized if I died in front of him, so I had to avoid that.
I decided to drive on, even though I still felt something in “alien” in my chest.

“Listen, I love you, son”

We arrived at the kindergarten and rushed through the wardrobe. I logged in and headed for the dining area where the other kids were having breakfast.

I got down on my knees and looked at him.. -really looked at him.

“Listen, I love you son, you know that, right? Daddy will always love you, no matter what happens in life, never forget that.”

“I love you too, daddy.”

I gave him the best hug I could give and a kiss before heading back towards the car.

Stage 1 complete. Now I have to notify the two sleeping at home that daddy is about to head to a place where they can’t follow.

I couldn’t just call.. They were still sleeping. My final goodbye couldn’t be affected by irritation, as it would if I woke them. She’d never believe me anyways.. Exaggerating, she’d think.

Final thoughts before death

I picked up my phone and was about to press “Record”. I have to tell them how much I love them and that I’ll haunt them in the best possible manner. They’ll have to celebrate my life, not mourn my death, because death was just the punchline of a bigger picture..

So many thoughts.

“What am I thinking?!” Record a clip with my final goodbye, where I tell her the passwords and everything she needs to know and how much I love them?! Additionally, I’m in the car, so the entire thing, my final send-off, would be like a message on-par with “What do you want for dinner?”

The timing could not have been worse. I haven’t even rehearsed!

As I had these thoughts, the pain started to settle down. If the clot had dislodged, I’d be dead by know..

I’m safe… -I think. Phew, lucky..

This was one of my 4, well 5, near death experiences. I came to terms with death several years ago. I know it’s in my passenger seat and follows me everywhere, ready to guide me to whatever lies beyond.

Make your life count, you could die at any moment

We have one life as far as we know. The time between birth and death is all you have to make the difference you want to make before it’s too late.

  • What do you want people to remember you by?
  • What’s being said at your funeral?
  • How many are there?
  • What impact did you make in life?

Ponder that for a bit, it’s a big question.

I’ve worked my butt off to build my dream for the last 8 years, but if I didn’t have my routines, self control techniques and discipline, I don’t know what would’ve happened after yesterday morning.

If I’d spent all of my time on the couch, watching Netflix, I’d get my butt in gear and do something with my life if this happened.

Because I’ve already taken action and made a decision to create something bigger than myself, it just added to the motivation to get things done before I can’t anymore.

So all of a sudden, I was short on time.

Things like this has happened many times in my life. Things that makes you think from an angle, that luckily, not everyone has to suffer through. Where one has to really look within one self to see who they really are.

Luckily, everybody don’t have to go through stuff like this to gain these insights. I’m grateful to be in a position where I can share my experiences and save people from having to feel it in order to learn it.

By giving them perspectives that might make them change their lives for the better.

how I faced death fml
Life is amazing


Who would’ve thought that a guy who was branded a failure, could become a successtory? It was foreign to me.

I live a life of success. I’ve done it for years, even though it’s been a monetarily poor life. We had to get by on $20 bucks a week at several occations, to feed our family of 4, because the system has [CENSORED] us in the [CENSORED] repeatedly.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve been forced to steal food in one of the world’s richest countries to feed us.

But we’ve always had eachother. I’ve had love and abundance around me, which has driven me to fill the vaccuums in our lives, which sadly, where money for the most part.

Now everything has changed. I’ve made a dream from my past and my experiences, my pain and struggles. I’m eternally grateful for the challenges that life has thrown at me, because I can use these insights to support my family, and show people that they have a potent power within themselves.

A power that can change the world if they want, and they can take back control over their lives.

It has granted me a vision and a plan that will create global changes and I love working on building it every day.

I actually smile when I get up at 5am, ready to work.



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